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Character Commentaries
- The Scorpion
and Human Nature
Terry and his dad Glen were walking along the shore and came upon a scorpion
struggling in the tide, trying to get back to the sand. Glen tried to scoop
the creature up, but the scorpion stung him and fell back into the tide.
Glen tried again and was stung again.
Terry said, "Dad, leave him alone! He’s not worth saving."
But Glen tried one more time. This time he was successful and threw it onto
the sand.
Terry said, "Why waste time on an ornery critter who’s too stupid to know
it’s being helped?"
Glen answered, "Son, the scorpion stings by instinct. It’s his nature. I
chose to help him because that’s my nature."
Glen was teaching his son a profound moral lesson about being human. Like
other species, we’re born with an instinct for survival and a disposition
towards selfishness. Yet, blessed by a sense of compassion and the power to
reason, we also have an instinct to think and act beyond our self-interest.
Human nature is complex. It’s as much in our nature to be kind, loving and
generous as it is to be cruel, selfish and dishonest. We can nurture or
ignore our nobler instincts.
Some people act like scorpions. Trapped by negative instincts and response
patterns, they think it’s their nature and hide behind the belief, "That’s
the way I am."
No one is born with good or bad character. We’re born with the capacity to
have either, to choose our ultimate nature. When we choose to be good, we
are good.
- Being Right or Being Kind
Watching parents struggle to keep their young children quiet on a recent
plane trip reminded me of how stressful traveling was a few years ago when
my kids were really young.
My wife Anne and I would do everything we could to keep our kids from
annoying other passengers, but no matter how hard we tried, one would always
scream or kick the seat in front of her.
Inevitably, a few passengers would add to our anxiety and embarrassment by
displaying disdain and discomfort through withering comments, loud sighs, or
accusatory looks. Their message was clear: We were inept or inconsiderate
parents.
I couldn’t blame them because our children did make their trip unpleasant.
Still, I wished they had been more understanding.
In contrast, I so admired and appreciated the occasional man or woman who
would go out of his or her way to ease the tension or lighten the burden
with a supportive smile, a kind comment, or an offer to help.
Sometimes we don’t seem aware of the choices we have and our power to make
things better or worse.
I once read of a man on a subway with two young children who were being loud
and unruly. The man seemed to ignore their behavior, so a fed-up passenger
confronted him: "Sir, don’t you see how your children are disturbing
everyone? How can you be so thoughtless?"
The man sobbed, "I’m so sorry. Their mom just died and I’ve been thinking of
how we will live without her." In an instant, the critic’s
self-righteousness turned to self-condemnation.
Why is it that so many of us have to be hit over the head before we turn on
our caring and empathy buttons?
The next time you have the choice between being right and being kind, choose
kindness.
- Everyone Needs a "Me" File
During a dinner with friends I mentioned an e-mail I'd received from a
13-year-old thanking me for the way my commentaries had influenced his life.
I was clearly proud of the note and my friend Sally Kinnamon said I should
save this and other affirming mementos and put them in a "Me" file.
At first I thought she was being sarcastic, but she assured me she was quite
serious. Sally came upon the idea while training in-home nurses who often
work in isolated conditions with little or no affirmative feedback.
She gave each nurse an empty folder labeled "Me" and instructed them to put
every form of grateful or complimentary feedback into the file, including
cards, notes, letters and positive performance reviews. She said that this
folder should be taken out and read whenever any of them felt unappreciated
or questioned the value of their work.
Sally acknowledged that while most of the nurses were initially reluctant,
fearing it was too self-indulgent, egotistical or just plain silly, she
explained it's not a bragging file to show others how good we are. Rather,
it's a private collection evidencing the large and small triumphs that give
us psychic gratification and reconnect us with the best reasons we do what
we do. Eventually, she said, most of the nurses came to use and draw great
comfort and encouragement from their "Me" files.
What a terrific idea. You ought to start a "Me" file for yourself and put in
it anything that validates what you do at work or home.
The next step, of course, is to be sure you're spending time doing the kinds
of things that will fill your "Me" file.
- Not Everyone in Need Has a Brick
A successful man known for his philanthropy was driving his new car through
a poor part of town. He’d driven the route hundreds of times before on his
way home.
A young boy tried to flag him down. The man was in a hurry and didn’t want
to get involved, so he pretended he didn’t see the child. A traffic signal
ahead turned red, though, and as he slowed for it, he heard a loud crash.
The boy had thrown a brick at his car, denting the trunk.
The man burst out of the car and grabbed him. “You juvenile delinquent!" he
screamed. "You’ll pay for this or go to jail!”
“I’m sorry, mister,” the boy cried. “My mom’s lying on the floor in our
apartment. I think she’s dying. Our phone’s been cut off and I’ve been
trying for ten minutes to get someone to stop. I didn’t know what else to
do! Take me to jail, but please, call a doctor for my mom first.”
The man was filled with shame. “I’m a doctor. Where is she" The grateful boy
took him to his apartment, and the doctor administered CPR and called an
ambulance.
“Will she live?” the boy sobbed.
“Yes, son, she will,” the doctor said.
“Then it’s worth going to jail. I’m so sorry I ruined your new car. You can
take me in now.”
“You’re not going anywhere,” the doctor said. “It was my fault you had to
throw a brick to get my attention.”
The doctor made sure the boy was taken care of, and as he drove home he
resolved not to fix the dent. He would keep it as a reminder that not
everyone in need has a brick to throw.
- A Coach Who Just Gave a Good Kid a Chance
Did you hear the sports story that came out of Greece a few years ago? No,
it wasn't from the country that spawned the Olympics, though it has an
Olympic quality. The story came out of Greece, New York, and it was about
Jason McElwain, a 17-year-old autistic kid, and Jim Johnson, a high school
basketball coach.
Jason, who didn't speak until he was five and always struggled with learning
challenges, was short for a basketball player, only five foot six. In fact,
he never made the team. He was the team manager, who kept stats and handed
out water bottles.
But Coach Johnson liked Jason's enthusiasm for the game and his unselfish
dedication to the team. So he decided to let him suit up for the last home
game of the season. If the score permitted, he might even let him play a few
minutes.
Word got around and a group of students came to the game with signs bearing
his nickname, "J-Mac," and cutouts of his face placed on popsicle sticks.
When Jason was put into the game with four minutes left, they cheered
wildly, hoping that he might even score a basket. In Hollywood, he would
have done just that, and his teammates would have carried him off on their
shoulders. But in the real world of Greece, New York, Jason took a shot and
missed by about six feet. His supporters groaned and the coach worried that
he may have set this young man up for embarrassment.
But J-Mac took another shot, and another, and another. In fact, he took 10
shots, sank a school record six three-pointers, and scored 20 points in his
four minutes of glory.
And, yes, he was carried off on the shoulders of his teammates. And it was
the career high point in the life of a coach who just gave a good kid a
chance.
This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.
Six Pillars of Character
Trustworthiness Respect
Responsibility
Fairness Caring Citizenship
Trustworthiness. Respect. Responsibility. Fairness. Caring. Citizenship. The Six Pillars of Character are ethical values to guide our choices. The standards of conduct that arise out of those values constitute the ground rules of ethics, and therefore of ethical decision-making.
There is nothing
sacrosanct about the number six. We might reasonably have eight or 10, or more. But most universal virtues fold easily into these six. The number is not unwieldy and the Six Pillars of Character can provide a common lexicon. Why is a common lexicon necessary? So that people can see what unites our diverse and fractured society. So we can communicate more easily about core values. So we can
understand ethical decisions better, our own and those of others.
The Six Pillars act as a multi-level filter through which to process decisions. So, being trustworthy is not enough — we must also be caring. Adhering to the letter of the law is not enough — we must accept responsibility for our action or inaction.
The Pillars can help us detect situations where we focus so hard on
upholding one moral principle that we sacrifice another — where, intent on holding others accountable, we ignore the duty to be compassionate; where, intent on getting a job done, we ignore how.
In short, the Six Pillars can dramatically improve the ethical quality of our decisions, and thus our character and lives.
Trustworthiness
Be honest • Don’t deceive, cheat or steal • Be reliable — do what you say you’ll do • Have the courage to do the right thing • Build a good reputation • Be loyal — stand by your family, friends and country
When others trust us, they give us greater leeway because they feel we don’t need monitoring to assure that we’ll meet our obligations. They believe in us and hold us in higher esteem. That’s satisfying. At the same time, we must constantly live up to the expectations of others and refrain from
even small lies or self-serving behavior that can quickly destroy our relationships.
Simply refraining from deception is not enough. Trustworthiness is the most complicated of the six core ethical values and concerns a variety of qualities like honesty, integrity, reliability and loyalty.
Honesty
There is no more fundamental ethical value than honesty. We associate
honesty with people of honor, and we admire and rely on those who are honest. But honesty is a broader concept than many may realize. It involves both communications and conduct.
Honesty in communications is expressing the truth as best we know it and not conveying it in a way likely to mislead or deceive. There are three dimensions:
Truthfulness. Truthfulness is presenting the
facts to the best of our knowledge. Intent is the crucial distinction between truthfulness and truth itself. Being wrong is not the same thing as lying, although honest mistakes can still damage trust insofar as they may show sloppy judgment.
Sincerity. Sincerity is genuineness, being without trickery or duplicity. It precludes all acts, including half-truths, out-of-context statements,
and even silence, that are intended to create beliefs or leave impressions that are untrue or misleading.
Candor. In relationships involving legitimate expectations of trust, honesty may also require candor, forthrightness and frankness, imposing the obligation to volunteer information that another person needs to know.
Honesty in conduct is playing by the rules, without stealing,
cheating, fraud, subterfuge and other trickery. Cheating is a particularly foul form of dishonesty because one not only seeks to deceive but to take advantage of those who are not cheating. It’s a two-far: a violation of both trust and fairness.
Not all lies are unethical, even though all lies are dishonest. Huh? That’s right, honesty is not an inviolate principle. Occasionally,
dishonesty is ethically justifiable, as when the police lie in undercover operations or when one lies to criminals or terrorists to save lives. But don’t kid yourself: occasions for ethically sanctioned lying are rare and require serving a very high purpose indeed, such as saving a life — not hitting a management-pleasing sales target or winning a game or avoiding a confrontation.
Integrity
The word integrity comes from the same Latin root as "integer," or whole number. Like a whole number, a person of integrity is undivided and complete. This means that the ethical person acts according to her beliefs, not according to expediency. She is also consistent. There is no difference in the way she makes decisions from situation to situation, her principles don’t vary at
work or at home, in public or alone.
Because she must know who she is and what she values, the person of integrity takes time for self-reflection, so that the events, crises and seeming necessities of the day do not determine the course of her moral life. She stays in control. She may be courteous, even charming, but she is never duplicitous. She never demeans herself with obsequious
behavior toward those she thinks might do her some good. She is trusted because you know who she is: what you see is what you get.
People without integrity are called "hypocrites" or "two-faced."
Reliability (Promise-Keeping)
When we make promises or other commitments that create a legitimate basis for another person to rely upon us, we undertake special moral duties. We
accept the responsibility of making all reasonable efforts to fulfill our commitments. Because promise-keeping is such an important aspect of trustworthiness, it is important to:
Avoid bad-faith excuses. Interpret your promises fairly and honestly. Don’t try to rationalize noncompliance.
Avoid unwise commitments. Before making a promise consider carefully whether you are willing
and likely to keep it. Think about unknown or future events that could make it difficult, undesirable or impossible. Sometimes, all we can promise is to do our best.
Avoid unclear commitments. Be sure that, when you make a promise, the other person understands what you are committing to do.
Loyalty
Some relationships — husband-wife, employer-employee, citizen-country —
create an expectation of allegiance, fidelity and devotion. Loyalty is a responsibility to promote the interests of certain people, organizations or affiliations. This duty goes beyond the normal obligation we all share to care for others.
Limitations to loyalty. Loyalty is a tricky thing. Friends, employers, co-workers and others may demand that we rank their interests above ethical
considerations. But no one has the right to ask another to sacrifice ethical principles in the name of a special relationship. Indeed, one forfeits a claim of loyalty when he or she asks so high a price for maintaining the relationship.
Prioritizing loyalties. So many individuals and groups make loyalty claims on us that we must rank our loyalty obligations in some rational fashion. For
example, it’s perfectly reasonable, and ethical, to look out for the interests of our children, parents and spouses even if we have to subordinate our obligations to other children, neighbors or co-workers in doing so.
Safeguarding confidential information. Loyalty requires us to keep some information confidential. When keeping a secret breaks the law or threatens others, however, we may
have a responsibility to "blow the whistle."
Avoiding conflicting interests. Employees and public servants have a duty to make all professional decisions on merit, unimpeded by conflicting personal interests. They owe ultimate loyalty to the public.
Respect
Treat others with respect; follow the Golden Rule • Be tolerant of differences • Use good manners, not bad language • Be considerate of the feelings of others • Don’t threaten, hit or hurt anyone • Deal peacefully with anger, insults and disagreements
People are not things, and everyone has a right to be treated with dignity. We certainly have no ethical duty to hold all people in high esteem, but we should treat everyone with respect, regardless of who they are and what they have done. We have a responsibility to be the
best we can be in all situations, even when dealing with unpleasant people.
The Golden Rule — do unto others as you would have them do unto you — nicely illustrates the Pillar of respect. Respect prohibits violence, humiliation, manipulation and exploitation. It reflects notions such as civility, courtesy, decency, dignity, autonomy, tolerance and acceptance.
Civility,
Courtesy and Decency
A respectful person is an attentive listener, although his patience with the boorish need not be endless (respect works both ways). Nevertheless, the respectful person treats others with consideration, and doesn’t resort to intimidation, coercion or violence except in extraordinary and limited situations to defend others, teach discipline, maintain order or achieve
social justice. Punishment is used in moderation and only to advance important social goals and purposes.
Dignity and Autonomy
People need to make informed decisions about their own lives. Don’t withhold the information they need to do so. Allow all individuals, including maturing children, to have a say in the decisions that affect them.
Tolerance and Acceptance
Accept individual differences and beliefs without prejudice. Judge others only on their character, abilities and conduct.
Responsibility
Do what you are supposed to do • Persevere: keep on trying! • Always do your best • Use self-control • Be self-disciplined • Think before you act — consider the consequences • Be accountable for your choices
Life is full of choices. Being responsible means being in charge of our choices and, thus, our lives. It means being accountable for what we do and who we are. It also means recognizing that our actions matter and we are morally on the hook for the consequences. Our capacity to reason and our
freedom to choose make us morally autonomous and, therefore, answerable for whether we honor or degrade the ethical principles that give life meaning and purpose.
Ethical people show responsibility by being accountable, pursuing excellence and exercising self-restraint. They exhibit the ability to respond to expectations.
Accountability
An accountable person is not a
victim and doesn’t shift blame or claim credit for the work of others. He considers the likely consequences of his behavior and associations. He recognizes the common complicity in the triumph of evil when nothing is done to stop it. He leads by example.
Pursuit of Excellence
The pursuit of excellence has an ethical dimension when others rely upon our knowledge, ability or
willingness to perform tasks safely and effectively.
Diligence. It is hardly unethical to make mistakes or to be less than "excellent," but there is a moral obligation to do one’s best, to be diligent, reliable, careful, prepared and informed.
Perseverance. Responsible people finish what they start, overcoming rather than surrendering to obstacles. They avoid excuses such as,
"That’s just the way I am," or "It’s not my job," or "It was legal."
Continuous Improvement. Responsible people always look for ways to do their work better.
Self-Restraint
Responsible people exercise self-control, restraining passions and appetites (such as lust, hatred, gluttony, greed and fear) for the sake of longer-term vision and better judgment. They delay
gratification if necessary and never feel it’s necessary to "win at any cost." They realize they are as they choose to be, every day.
Fairness
Play by the rules • Take turns and share • Be open-minded; listen to others • Don’t take advantage of others • Don’t blame others carelessly
What is fairness? Most would agree it involves issues of equality, impartiality, proportionality, openness and due process. Most would agree that it is unfair to handle similar matters inconsistently. Most would agree that it is unfair to impose punishment that is not commensurate with the offense. The basic concept
seems simple, even intuitive, yet applying it in daily life can be surprisingly difficult. Fairness is another tricky concept, probably more subject to legitimate debate and interpretation than any other ethical value. Disagreeing parties tend to maintain that there is only one fair position (their own, naturally). But essentially fairness implies adherence to a balanced standard of justice
without relevance to one’s own feelings or inclinations.
Process
Process is crucial in settling disputes, both to reach the fairest results and to minimize complaints. A fair person scrupulously employs open and impartial processes for gathering and evaluating information necessary to make decisions. Fair people do not wait for the truth to come to them; they seek out relevant
information and conflicting perspectives before making important judgments.
Impartiality
Decisions should be made without favoritism or prejudice.
Equity
An individual, company or society should correct mistakes, promptly and voluntarily. It is improper to take advantage of the weakness or ignorance of others.
Caring
Be kind • Be compassionate and show you care • Express gratitude • Forgive others • Help people in need
If you existed alone in the universe, there would be no need for ethics and your heart could be a cold, hard stone. Caring is the heart of ethics, and ethical decision-making. It is scarcely possible to be truly ethical and yet unconcerned with the welfare of others. That is because ethics is
ultimately about good relations with other people.
It is easier to love "humanity" than to love people. People who consider themselves ethical and yet lack a caring attitude toward individuals tend to treat others as instruments of their will. They rarely feel an obligation to be honest, loyal, fair or respectful except insofar as it is prudent for them to do so, a disposition which
itself hints at duplicity and a lack of integrity. A person who really cares feels an emotional response to both the pain and pleasure of others.
Of course, sometimes we must hurt those we truly care for, and some decisions, while quite ethical, do cause pain. But one should consciously cause no more harm than is reasonably necessary to perform one’s duties.
The highest form of
caring is the honest expression of benevolence, or altruism. This is not to be confused with strategic charity. Gifts to charities to advance personal interests are a fraud. That is, they aren’t gifts at all. They’re investments or tax write-offs.
Citizenship
Do your share to make your school and community better • Cooperate • Get involved in community affairs • Stay informed; vote • Be a good neighbor • Obey laws and rules • Respect authority
Citizenship includes civic virtues and duties that prescribe how we ought to behave as part of a community. The good citizen knows the laws and obeys them, yes, but that’s not all. She volunteers and stays informed on the issues of the day, the better to execute her duties and
privileges as a member of a self-governing democratic society. She does more than her "fair" share to make society work, now and for future generations. Such a commitment to the public sphere can have many expressions, such as conserving resources, recycling, using public transportation and cleaning up litter. The good citizen gives more than she takes.
Source:
CHARACTER COUNTS! and Six Pillars of Character are service marks of the CHARACTER COUNTS! Coalition, a project of the
Joseph son Institute of Ethics, a nonsectarian, nonpartisan organization.
Courtesy:
Michael Josephson |
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Michael Josephson