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- Has Your Partner Changed
It's an unfortunate event when we
realize our partner may not be the same person they used to be. For whatever
reason, something has caused them to look at life or your relationship
differently. Is it a reason to look at ending the relationship? Or is the
change something you should ignore and hope goes away? The answer really
lies somewhere in between.
There are many factors that can make a person seem different than who they
were. Just the process of aging can cause major shifts in attitude and
viewpoints. Some people believe that once they get married or have a baby
they should act in a certain way. Stress, employment changes or health
problems can also cause temporary attitude adjustments.
So how do you begin to broach this subject with your partner?
First, you need to determine the cause.
Is It You or Them
When you feel your partner has changed in some significant way, the first
thing you need to do is make sure the change is actually from them. Don't
make the common mistake of thinking your partner is being different when in
actuality you are the one who's made the change.
Has There Really Been a Change
Then make sure the change you perceive is actually accurate. Are you sure
they weren't always that way, but now the behavior just rubs you the wrong
way? Or, is their lack of attention now something you can't deal with? If
you went into a relationship knowing a person was a certain way, but you
internally expected that to change, you can't really expect your partner to
understand why you're upset.
How's Your Life
Life has a way of throwing things at us that we aren't always prepared for.
You might have physically prepared for some event, but emotions are a little
trickier to anticipate. Also, some events could trigger past emotions that
were thought to be long gone. If either of you are going through a rough
patch or an emotional time, give your partner a little adjustment space. In
addition, do things to keep you both physically and mentally attached, such
as date nights or unexpected romantic encounters.
Next, you need to discuss the problem.
This step can feel difficult for some people because by the time they
realize they need to address the issue, there can be a lot of resentment or
pent up emotion involved. In order to get through this, you'll need to find
a way to remain objective and calm when communicating with your partner. If
the change stemmed from a specific event, it would be a good starting point
to deal with the unresolved issues that must still exist. If the cause was
something less obvious, it probably developed as a habit.
A habit, thankfully, can be broken with a little conscience effort. When you
are both able to have an uninterrupted open and frank discussion about the
matter, let your partner know the about the changes you've noticed and how
they are making you feel. Let them have their equal time to speak about the
issue as well. It's quite possible they made their change based on a change
they perceived from you. Make it clear your intention is to find an
agreeable resolution not to place blame.
When you are both in agreement that a problem exists, each of you should
write down or voice your ideas for solving the issue. If for example the
issue is you believe you should be more intimate, maybe an agreement to set
aside one night a week as "your" intimate time would be a workable solution.
Take turns planning the night. If one partner has ceased being romantic, you
can make an agreement to do five random "little" things each week for each
other. At the end of the week, see if you can guess what each thing was.
If the changes in your partner are something dramatic such as substance
abuse, gambling or other negative behaviors, schedule some time to go talk
to a counselor.
Remember, everyone changes, in order to keep the relationship going, you
just have to make sure you're changing in the same direction.
Courtesy: Jennifer Good
I Own You Savera
Nadeem Zaigham
Hey Savera!,
- You are my honor, dignity &
pride.... I am proud of you.
- I own you before the entire world....
keep up the pride.
I own you;
means that I accept you,
for the person that you are,
and that I don't wish to,
change you into someone else.
I care for you;
means that I will take care of you,
and stand by you even,
through the worst of times.
I wish for you;
means that I am,
thinking of you,
dreaming of you,
wanting and needing you,
constantly, and hoping,
you feel the same way for me.
I love, respect, believe & trust you;
means forever & ever.
Waiting....fingers
crossed, praying.
I would not wish
Any companion in the world but you.
(The Tempest 3.1.60-1)
Courtesy:
Nadeem Zaigham |
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Jennifer Good