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• Worry is the darkroom in which 'negatives' are developed.
• Alzheimers advantage: New friends every day.
• Of course, there's now a higher percentage of seat belt users. The non-users are slowly being killed off.
• AIDS obliges people to think of sex as having, possibly, the direst consequences: suicide. Or murder.
• Among animals, it's eat or be eaten. Among people, it's define or be defined.
• All my life I wanted to be someone. I guess I should have been more specific.
• The best vitamin to be a happy person is B1
• Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
• Not the lack of love, but the lack of friendship makes marriages unhappy.
• Life is a series of collisions with the future.
• A friend in need always finds your new phone number.
• My goal is to be a failure! If I reach my goal, I'll be successful & if I don't reach my goal, I'll still be successful.
• Some people think they are generous because they give away free advice.
• Middle age is when a guy keeps turning off lights for
economical rather than romantic reasons.
• The only man who sticks closer to you in adversity than a friend is a creditor.
• Some people wake up and find themselves famous; others find themselves famous and then wake up.
• Sometimes I need what only you can provide - Your absence
• A family consists of a husband who gets an idea, the kids who say it can't be done, and
the wife who does it.
• The man who follows other people's advice always ends up making other people's mistakes.
• Never tell your problems to anyone... 20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
• Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.
• Life is like a taxi. The meter just keeps ticking whether you
are getting somewhere or just standing still.
• When I release the guilt of the past and the worries of the future, I am joyful in the present.
• A compliment is a statement of an agreeable truth; flattery is the statement of an agreeable untruth
• If you want your dreams to come true, don't oversleep.
• People will believe most anything that is whispered to another.
• Often a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.
• A disbelief in God does not result in a belief in nothing; disbelief in God usually results in a belief in anything.
• Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he isn't; and a sense of
humor to console him for what he is.
• On anniversaries the wise husband may forget
the past... but better never forget the present.
• A lawyer says 'we' won' or 'You' have lost.
• The squeaking wheel doesn't always get the grease.. sometimes it gets replaced.
• A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it.
• Forget yourself when with others and others will not forget you.
• There are some days I practice positive thinking. And
other days I'm not positive, I am thinking.
• In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends.
• Blessings never come in pairs; misfortunes never come alone.
• If we find life on other planets, what would happen to the Miss Universe pageant?
• When a man becomes rich he becomes naughty and when a women becomes
naughty she becomes rich.
•
Surprise your boss. Get to work on time.
• They say true love is just round the corner I must be walking in circles.
• A successful marriage isn't finding the right person - it's being the right person.
• A boy becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.
• Some persons think they have made a success of their lives when
all they have made is money!
• Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
• It's been a lifetime struggle for me to stop spending my lifetime struggling.
• The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.
• I always give waiters a tip, but they never seem to appreciate my advice.
• The most welcome person is the one who knows when to go.
• You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.
Courtesy: Wise Guy
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Wise Guy